This article was written by and is the property of Mistress Chianti 

All right, so you have been to a few events, you’ve attended many public functions. You have seen the toys, witnessed the scenes that electrify a room and have a good grasp on the basics – yet you have never went that next step, and experienced a scene first hand, or maybe it has been a long time because you believe scenes are only for “hooked up” couples.

In the shadows of your mind, you have waltzed to a flogger, for more than likely, you have held it, caressed it, inhaled the rich leather aroma deep into your lungs. You have jumped in observation as a cane lands its burning kiss against naked flesh. In witnessing, you feel the fire within you to dance with longing euphoria.

No, you do not want to just experience a sensation, you want – or better yet, need – a scene. So how does a submissive approach a Dominant and ask for such a thing? First off – this is not a high school dance!Sitting on the sidelines of a play space, waiting to be asked by a respected Dominant if you would like to scene, probably isn’t going to happen. As a single or available submissive, you need to be the one doing the asking. Timing is everything and my advice is not to wait until the last minute. There is nothing wrong or disrespectful in contacting a Dominant you would like to scene with, even several days before a scheduled event. If both parties are in agreement, an experienced Dominant will want time to talk to you about certain limits, their safe word code, the goals desired for both sides of the scene, etc.Some Dominants only scene with their own partners, and that should be respected, but if you are active within a certain group, more than likely you will have a good idea which Dominants extend such courtesies and which ones do not – and if you have absolutely no idea – ask anyways.Know what it is you really want to experience – and ask accordingly. If you want to experience a scene, do not prelude it with “I would like to see what xxx feels like.” More than likely – you will walk away knowing exactly what xxx feels like – but will not have experienced a “scene.” This is not the time to be bashful and shy – smile and ask to fly.

This is neither rocket science, nor all that difficult. So remember.1. Ask.

2. If the time you have asked for cannot be accommodated – don’t let it keep you from asking again for a future time.

3. Know what it is you would like to experience.

4. Negotiate.

5. Enjoy.

1. Jim, May 30, 2007:

   What wonderful advice. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.